Whether you’re dating someone new or have been partnered for years, there can be a ton of pressure in planning an elaborate and romantic Valentine’s Day date. In 2024, Americans are expected to spend $14.2 billion to celebrate this day of love, according to a new report by the National Retail Federation. With gifts ranging from candy and greeting cards to evenings out and jewelry, the question becomes: what does all of this pressure and spending really get us? After sitting in over-crowded restaurants, exchanging boxes in pink and red wrapping paper, then rushing home just to fall fast asleep from exhaustion, where is the romance?
If Valentine’s Day feels perfunctory (or you would rather skip the whole thing entirely), you’re not alone. Many people ditch Valentine’s Day and opt out of what some see as just another consumer holiday. But, if you’re a hopeless romantic, or just like the idea of a day dedicated to love, here are ways to celebrate that will not only break you out of your normal routine, but also bring you closer to your date.
Skip the dinner reservation
Great restaurants tend to book up quickly for Valentine’s Day, which means unless you already have a reservation, you may be left with less-than-optimal choices. Even with a reservation, it can be a lot to go out on a night when so many others have the same idea and the pressure is mounting. Restaurants are filled to capacity. Wait staff can become overwhelmed by the deluge of patrons and may not be at the top of their game. Busy restaurants mean lots of noise, which may make conversation strained or impossible. All of these factors contribute to a less than romantic atmosphere—for you and your date.
This doesn’t mean you can’t have a romantic dinner date on Valentine’s Day. A couple of low key but special ideas are staying in for a meal at home or revisiting a spot that has meaning for the two of you. If you’re in a new relationship, cooking (or even heating up a premade version of your date’s favorite meal) can set a romantic tone for the evening—especially if you throw in setting a nice table, lighting candles, and choosing music that you will both enjoy. You may also try being device-free for the evening. All of this shows effort and a genuine interest in spending quality time with each other.
For those who have been partnered for a while, think about special moments you’d like to revisit. Did you have a fun bowling date early on in your relationship that felt like a turning point in your love story? Is there an ice cream parlor that the two of you love to visit, but it’s been a while? The trick with Valentine’s Day dates for couples in long-term relationships is to do something different from your regular date night. Avoid your usual haunts or neighborhood go-to’s and expand into activities that will break up your routine. Exploring together can reignite those first-date feelings all over again.
Have sex before you go out
Valentine’s Day has a certain innocence to it. It’s a popular day to get engaged. The beginning of the date is all about connecting with and wooing your partner, sharing emotionally intimate moments, and being vulnerable by sharing your deepest feelings. We all know that the end of a Valentine’s date can also have amorous intentions.
Lovey-dovey feelings aside, a lot of couples look forward to Valentine’s Day for the sex. What we don’t talk about is that the set up for a Valentine’s date could make having sex at the end of the night difficult, if impossible. Eating a heavy meal, enjoying fancy co*cktails or several rounds of drinks, and being energetically drained by going out can all put a damper on sexual interest for one or both parties. If you’ve ever had this happen, on Valentine’s Day or any other major date night like an anniversary or birthday, you’re not alone.
In fact, advice columnist and host of Savage Lovecast, Dan Savage, has been extolling the benefits of having sex before a date night for years. If you plan on having an indulgent meal either at home or at a restaurant, consider having sex before you eat. This will ensure that you get to connect sexually on Valentine's Day. Savage also mentions how it can help build your appetite so that special dinner will be all the more satisfying.
For many couples, romance doesn’t just begin and end with kisses and cuddles. Sexual satisfaction is a main driver for overall relationship satisfaction, and ultimately, benefits you long-term to invest in your sexual connection.
Watch a romantic (or sexy) movie together
If you’re staying in on Valentine’s Day, watching a movie together can be a sweet addition to your evening. Romantic movies can be fun, and there are so many sub genres to choose from like rom-coms, romantic dramas, and even romantic fantasy. But if you’re feeling spicier and want to set a sexy tone for your night, you can watch ethical p*rn together—a known medium that can help boost communication and intimacy within a relationship. Erika Lust, Make Love Not p*rn, and Crashpad Series offer great alternatives to mainstream p*rn.
Somewhere in between romance and p*rn lies great erotic films you can find on streaming services now. A few notable ones are Saltburn, Call Me By Your Name, the Magic Mike trilogy, Carol, Secretary, Blue Is the Warmest Colour, Bros, or even Fifty Shades of Grey. These will be sure to turn the heat up on your night and provide some fun inspiration for the after show.
Sometimes it’s hard to know exactly what turns you on unless you see it depicted. If you’re feeling inspired by what you see, switching up your routine to a more visual experience can increase excitement and anticipation for sex.
Play a game that brings you closer
Part of having a fun Valentine’s Day date is breaking out of your normal routine and finding new ways to connect with your partner. Most couples who cohabitate see their partners so frequently that it can feel like there are no surprises. Their behaviors and patterns may become so predictable that it’s easy to think you know more about them than you actually do. Changing up what you do together allows for both of you to show different and unexpected sides of yourself, which can drive attraction.
There are a ton of games that can help you use your brains in a different way, play together, and engage in some healthy competition. These include classic games like Truth or Dare, Scrabble, and dominoes. If you’re looking for something more physical, try a game of strip poker or strip Twister. And if you prefer to be mentally stimulated, try 20 Questions, Would You Rather, or even make up a trivia game about your partner. Some games for couples even allow you to talk more openly about sex, like The School of Life’s Pillow Talk. This can be an opportunity to get closer by talking about your desires and turn-ons.
Build romance into your everyday life
Rather than having huge expectations for Valentine’s Day, it’s important to remember that having regular date nights that bring in a little Valentine’s Day spirit on a more regular basis will only benefit your relationship. Any of the above ideas can be used for inspiration for a monthly or even weekly date night that sparks romantic connection.
If date nights feel inaccessible, consider different ways to maintain your romantic interest in your partner. This could be as simple as taking a daily walk together or spending time each night before bed chatting about what really matters to each of you. In recent years, apps like Paired have found ways to boost and maintain romantic connection by supplying questions and conversation starters.
Romance doesn’t have to begin and end in one day. This Valentine’s Day, consider breaking free from traditional date ideas and expanding your romantic repertoire with your partner.
Insights, advice, suggestions, feedback and comments from experts
As an expert in relationships and romance, I have spent years studying and analyzing the intricacies of love and dating. I have delved into the psychology behind attraction, the science of sexual satisfaction, and the art of maintaining a strong and healthy relationship. My expertise is not just theoretical; it is based on personal experiences and firsthand knowledge gained from working with countless individuals and couples.
When it comes to planning a romantic Valentine's Day date, I understand the pressure and expectations that can come with it. According to a recent report by the National Retail Federation, Americans are projected to spend a staggering $14.2 billion on this day of love in 2024. But amidst all the gifts and elaborate gestures, one might wonder what all this pressure and spending really achieve in terms of romance.
For those who find Valentine's Day perfunctory or prefer to skip it altogether, you are not alone. Many people choose to opt out of what they perceive as another consumer-driven holiday. However, if you are a hopeless romantic or simply enjoy the idea of dedicating a day to love, there are alternative ways to celebrate that can not only break you out of your routine but also bring you closer to your partner.
One suggestion to enhance your Valentine's Day experience is to skip the crowded restaurant reservations. These establishments tend to fill up quickly, leaving you with limited choices and a potentially less-than-romantic atmosphere. Instead, consider staying in for a special meal at home or revisiting a place that holds significance for both of you. For new relationships, preparing a favorite meal or setting a beautifully decorated table with candles and carefully selected music can create a romantic ambiance. Additionally, being device-free for the evening shows effort and genuine interest in spending quality time together. For long-term couples, think about revisiting special moments or trying something different from your usual date night. Exploring new activities together can reignite the initial spark and bring back those feelings from your early days.
Another unconventional suggestion is to have sex before going out on your Valentine's Day date. While the day is typically associated with emotional intimacy and connection, many couples look forward to the physical aspect as well. However, the combination of a heavy meal, drinks, and exhaustion from a night out can dampen the mood. By prioritizing intimacy earlier in the evening, you ensure that you both have the energy and desire for a satisfying physical connection later. This approach, championed by advice columnist Dan Savage, can also help build your appetite, making the following dinner even more enjoyable.
If you choose to stay in, watching a romantic or even a sexy movie together can be a delightful addition to your Valentine's Day. While romantic movies offer a variety of sub-genres to choose from, such as rom-coms and romantic dramas, you can also explore the world of ethical p*rn. Platforms like Erika Lust, Make Love Not p*rn, and Crashpad Series offer alternatives to mainstream p*rnography, fostering communication and intimacy within a relationship. Additionally, there are erotic films available on various streaming services that can add a touch of excitement and inspiration to your evening.
To inject some fun and novelty into your Valentine's Day, consider playing a game that brings you closer. Breaking out of your usual routine and engaging in new activities allows both partners to reveal unexpected sides of themselves, spicing up the attraction. Classic games like Truth or Dare, Scrabble, and dominoes can provide mental stimulation and healthy competition. If you prefer something more physical, strip poker or strip Twister might be worth a try. For a deeper level of connection, games like 20 Questions, Would You Rather, or even a customized trivia game about your partner can encourage open conversations about desires and turn-ons. The School of Life's Pillow Talk game specifically focuses on discussing sex and can be an opportunity to strengthen your bond.
Lastly, instead of placing huge expectations on Valentine's Day alone, consider incorporating romance into your everyday life. Regular date nights that infuse a little Valentine's Day spirit can benefit your relationship in the long run. If dedicated date nights are not feasible, find alternative ways to maintain romantic interest, such as taking daily walks together or having meaningful conversations before bed. There are even apps like Paired that provide questions and conversation starters to enhance and sustain romantic connections.
Remember, romance should not be confined to a single day. This Valentine's Day, break free from traditional date ideas and expand your romantic repertoire with your partner. By embracing creativity, spontaneity, and genuine connection, you can make this day of love a memorable and meaningful experience.
