Chapter Text
Nico and Will were sitting on a picnic blanket in the middle of the strawberry fields, trying to throw grapes into each other’s mouths. Another grape bounced off of Will’s nose and he yelped, almost falling sideways. Nico laughed, and Will threw a grape at him in retaliation.
“Hey! You didn’t even aim for my mouth that time!” Nico complained.
“Oh yeah? What are you gonna do about it?” Will taunted, batting his eyelashes. Nico made a face at him and began pelting him with his remaining vitaceous ammunition.
“Agh! Hey, stop it!” Will laughed, falling onto his back on the blanket. Nico leaned over him, a victorious smirk on his face. Will smiled, reaching up to cup his cheek. Nico’s expression softened, taking in his boyfriend’s beauty, the late afternoon sunlight illuminating his blond curls and turning his freckles into specks of gold.
“I love you.” The words spilled out of Nico’s mouth almost reflexively, drawn out of him by the allure of the boy in front of him. Will blinked, an unreadable expression entering his face.
“Wait, what?”
Nico sat up with a start, his chest heaving with panic before he realized he was back in Cabin 13 and another confusing mix of emotions washed over him. Relief? Disappointment? Imaginary validation of a deep-seated fear? It was all too much to parse this soon after awakening from his shadow-travel-induced slumber.
Nico groaned. Even in his dreams he couldn’t seem to stop himself from blurting out those three words every time he saw his boyfriend doing something adorable.
“Styx, what’s wrong with me? Why does it keep slipping out like that?” he mumbled.
He shouldn't have asked himself that question. Immediately, the mental image of his good friend Logic popped into his brain, and he responded with the last thing Nico wanted to hear.
“Maybe because it's true?”
“You don't know that!” Nico shouted, grabbing his pillow and burying his face in it.
"Yes, you do," Logic responded, with a cruel reminder that Nico was talking to himself.
“No, I don't! I don't even know what that would mean!” Nico insisted, running his fingers through his hair and tugging on it.
“You tell me what it means. You're the one who keeps thinking it,” Logic pointed out.
“You're the rational one! It's your job to make sense of things!” Nico argued.
“Well, maybe love doesn't make sense,” Logic suggested.
“Of course it does! It makes tons of sense. Why wouldn't I love Will?”
Logic stared blankly back at him until Nico realized what he had admitted. Those stupid words slip out even when he's talking to himself. Who was he kidding?
“Styx…” he mumbled, out loud this time, sitting on the edge of his bed and dropping his head into his hands.
“Why are you treating this like a bad thing?” Logic asked.
“This is dangerous,” Nico answered, staring at the ground in front of him.
“Oh, don't be so dramatic. What if he feels the exact same way?” Logic asked.
“What if he doesn't?!” Nico retorted.
“Well, you're never going to find out if you don’t let him respond, now will you?”
“Good! I-I don't want to find out! I don't want to find out that I'm moving way too fast and he's creeped out and doesn't feel the same way and probably wants to take a step back and ‘slow down,’ which is code for eventually leaving–”
“Okay, WHOA,” Logic interrupted.
“I can't let that happen.”
“Why the hell would that happen?? Didn't he promise not to ditch you? Why can't you just trust his word?” Logic asked.
“I do, but he's only human!” Nico fretted.
Logic coughed. “Demigod,” he corrected subtly. Nico ignored him.
“It's sweet of him to make promises, but I wouldn't blame him if he ended up changing his mind,” Nico said.
“Okay, but why would LOVE change his mind? Love is a good thing,” Logic said.
“Not if it's one-sided!”
“Again with the assumptions. This is like November all over again. You were so convinced he couldn't like you and would freak out if he knew you liked him. Remember how that ended?” Logic reminded him.
“...This is different,” Nico said.
“Is it?”
“Yes! So he thinks I'm cute. Big deal. Loving me is a different story,” Nico responded.
“He ‘thinks you're cute?’ Really? That's why you think he's dating you?” Logic asked.
“No… you're right… I have no idea why he's dating me,” Nico sighed, putting his head in his hands in defeat.
“Oh, gods. Don't–”
“I don't know what he sees in me… I'm not even likable, much less lov–”
“OH MY GODS SHUT UP!” Logic blurted.
“What?” Nico said, glancing up skeptically.
“You are being ridiculous. Again,” Logic insisted.
“Aren't you supposed to be nice to me?” Nico asked.
“No, I'm supposed to make you see common sense. And the reality is, everyone deserves love, and obviously Will doesn't see you the way you see yourself. Just because you hate yourself doesn–”
"I don't!" Nico snapped back, surprising himself. I hate myself used to be his freakin' mantra, but… what happened with Cupid had redefined his definition of hatred, and he wasn't going to let Logic compare him to that son of a gorgon. Plus, the last few months with Will had apparently changed his self-perception even more than he realized. Softly, he continued, "I-I don't, I just…" He just what? Nico didn't know how to fill in that blank. He looked down. "…Just shut up, okay?"
Logic didn't respond for a while, and Nico wanted to curse him out for making him sit with that. "Listen," he finally said. "You know from experience that shoving your feelings down doesn't work."
“Yeah, okay, so… I won't shove them down. I'll just hide them.”
“Is there a difference?” Logic asked.
“Yes! I–I won't try to talk myself out of it. It is what it is. I-I love him. Whatever the hell that means. Fine. But I… I don't need to TELL him that,” Nico insisted.
“But what if–”
“I don't need to overwhelm him for no reason.”
“I am once again asking you to consider–”
“I'll just keep it to myself.”
“Admit that it is not outside the realm of possibility–”
“Shut up! I don't need you anymore,” Nico insisted.
Logic poofed away, leaving Nico with a lingering look of disappointment. Nico clenched his jaw, trying to ignore the gnawing feeling in his chest that he was pretty sure was just Logic trying to fight his way back out.
“…This is fine,” Nico mumbled to himself. “It's fine.”
