Epic Tails (2022) Movie Script (2024)

Pattie, an ambitious and daring mouse has big dreams to be an adventurer and a hero. When her homeland in Ancient Greece is threatened by Poseidon himself, Pattie is determined to save her city.

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[Pattie] As far back as I can remember,
I've always wanted to be a heroine.

Perseus, Achilles, Ulysses, Hercules,

I've read about their adventures
dozens and dozens of times.

But my favourite hero above all the rest

is Jason!

Why Jason? Because years ago,
Jason went on an incredible quest!

He sailed the seas with his faithful crew,
the proud Argonauts,

and they braved many dangers...
Spling, splang, splung!

...in hostile lands!

[giant roars]

He had countless exciting adventures

in wild storms...

[hums a tune]

...battling horrible monsters!

And he brought back here to Yolcos
the most precious gift of all from the gods...

Ta-da!
...the Golden Fleece!

A wondrous talisman
that gets its powers from Zeus himself.

An object that is so powerful,
it can prevent bad storms,

major calamities, and even wars.

The Golden Fleece brings
prosperity and harmony,

even among the animals.
Yup, even the animals!

Hey, I know first-hand about that.

Just take a look at Sam.
He adopted me. Me, a little mouse.

OK, he's a strict vegetarian, but still,
Sam takes good care of me.

But adventures aren't really his thing.

No, he's more into theatre and poetry.

To each his own, huh?
Everyone's got their thing.

Some people love cooking.

Others really like music.

[horse neighs]

[groans]

For instance, my best buddy, Luigi,
he really wants to become a ninja!

That's his big dream.

As for me, well, I want to be like Jason!

Get a crew together and set off

on one of the greatest adventures
the world has ever known!

[uplifting music]

[seagulls calling]

Hey, Pattie, look!

[horse neighs]

The fish are here.

And here's your change, ma'am.

-[groans] There you go.
-Thanks. See ya later!

[indistinct chatter]

[upbeat drumbeat]

[upbeat funk music]

Hm?

Hm-hmm.

Oh, well.

[upbeat funk music]

-Wow! They really are masters!
-I hope you were taking notes.

Pattie? Luigi? This is the third time
I've had to speak to you today.

Don't make me ask you again.

OK, where were we? Yes!

Who can tell me which ship
Jason sailed on his quest?

Oh, ma'am! Me, me, me, I know!

Go ahead, Pattie.

It's easy! Jason's ship is called the Argo.
You can see it down there in the Port Museum.

The goddesses Hera and Athena
helped build it themselves.

With its shallow draft and large sail...

-Eurgh. Somebody stop her, please.
-[laughter]

...it was by far the fastest ship
in the whole Mediterranean.

It's a ship just like this that I'll use one day
when I become a heroine like Jason!

[laughter]

A heroine like Jason!

Alright, that's enough, stop making fun.
Pattie's just kidding.

Oh, our parents are here.

-[kids clamouring]
-Mummy! Mummy!

See you tomorrow, children!

[sombre music]

Hey there, sweetie, what is it? You sad?

Er, Mr Sam, could I have
a word with you about Pattie?

Again? You've got to pay attention
in class, sweetie.

Yes?

[laughs] "A heroine like Jason."
Have you looked at yourself, pipsqueak?

You'll see, Tony, I'll show all of you!

[Sam] What are you doing?
Pattie! Where are you going?

[foreboding music]

Pattie, Pattie, Pattie?

Hmmm. Hm?

Hmm.

Pattie?

Where are you, Pattie? Oh, Pattie!

Pattie!

Stand at the ready, my gallant crew!

We're going on an adventure!

-Woo-hoo!
-Uh?

OK, man your stations!

Help!

[tense music]

Hold on, Pattie!

I've got you, sweetie.

Hold on, sweetie.

[Sam panting]

Er, Mummy,

is that fat cat going to eat me as well?

-You alright, sweetie?
-[Pattie coughing] Mm-hm.

Good, you and I
are going to have a little talk.

What were you thinking, Pattie?

That was very risky!
You could've drowned! You realise that?

But all I wanted to do was go
on an adventure with my crew.

Look what happened to your poor crew.

-It's gone forever!
-They were just radishes, Sam.

Oh, yeah.
It's still sad for those radishes.

Also it's too dangerous.

You've got to be sensible, Pattie.
You can't do what Jason did.

Yes, I can!

A hero is a big, strong human, Pattie.
Not a little mouse like you are.

I can still be a heroine,
not just a little mouse.

You want to be a heroine?
You want adventure?

Look here, a boat!

Come on, there you go.

Oh.

And this is the sea! Ooh!

Oh! You're setting sail
for wonderful adventures!

I'm a terrible typhoon!
I'm going to sink your ship!

Oh, Captain Pattie has slayed me! Oh!

I'm dying! [groans]

I'm telling you, adventures can be fun,
even if they're pretend. Don't you agree?

You can go on any adventure you like here in
the attic, but not for real, it's too dangerous!

Promise me that, Pattie?

You'll see,

I'll create adventures for you
that no little mouse could ever dream of.

[Pattie] Become a heroine,

gather a crew,

lead them on an adventure.

A little mouse, a heroine?

Makes no sense!

Pattie, could you come here, please?

There ya go!

A theatre!
Oh, I've thought about it for months.

With all these props that we've made,
imagine all the stories we could tell?

Yeah, sounds like fun, Sam.
It's a really good idea.

You'll enjoy it!

You're always telling me how tired you are
of doing accounting for the dock rats.

Hi!

So, you ready for the ceremony?

Of course we're ready! I wouldn't miss
the unveiling of the new statue.

And Jason is gonna be there
to make a speech!

Hey, what about your ninja test,
did you pass it?

Nah, I blew it again.
That was the 37th time, that's a lot.

Don't worry, Luigi, you'll do it
next time, I just know it.

I hope so.

Before I forget,
your ticket for this week's lottery.

Oh, you're kidding me,
you're still playing?

You know very well
it's a jungle outside the city!

If you win a trip to Alexandria,

you'll be risking your life
to travel across the sea.

But, Sam, I'd only go
to see the great library.

I've read every book here
over a dozen times.

And besides,
there's no danger in libraries.

888. Yeah, well,
you've got one in 1,000 chances.

Er, we should get going, right?

I just have to make
a quick stop by the sewers first

to give Tony his accounts.

After that, zoom!
We're gonna see Jason! Yay!

[upbeat music]

[cheering]

[grand music]

[horse whinnies]

Sir Jason, this way.
The people are excited to hear you.

Thank you, young lady.

Oooh-oooh! Oooh!

Oh, He's here, we have to hurry! Sam,
can you find us places in front, please?

-Of course, sweetie, I will. See you soon.
-See ya later!

[Pattie coughing]

Mmm-hmm.

Oh, if it isn't the nerd!
You're so tiny, I didn't see you!

So, bookworm, what great adventures
have you been up to in your attic?

Were you attacked by a novel?

Did you slay an abominable math problem?

[sarcastic laugh]
Here's your dad's accounting.

-It looks OK to me.
-It's upside down, Tony.

Uh-huh, looks good this way too.

Come back and get these later.

Another riveting accounting adventure!

There'll be more tomorrow! [laughs]

I have to do this every day
for the rest of my life!

Pardon me.

-Do you mind?
-Excuse me, sorry.

Pardon me. Ah, perfect!

We have an eight!

And next! It's spinning...

Another eight!

-And here we go again.
-Not an eight, not an eight, not an eight,

not another eight!

It's another eight! 888!

Ladies and gentlemen,
today's winning number is 888!

Thanks for saving our place, Sam.
They're awesome, we're in the first row!

Yeah, yeah...

[horn blows]

This is it. He's gonna speak.
He's gonna speak, Sam! Listen!

Fellow citizens and friends!

It has been 80 years or more
since I returned from Colchis

with the magnificent Golden Fleece

that has afforded us Zeus' protection.

From my travels across the seas,
through storms on the Argo...

[seagull caws]

On the Argo...

[crowd gasps]

Oh, the adventures I had
with my brave crew, the Argonauts.

And now look at our beautiful city today!

She has never been as prosperous as this.

And so now, we must show Zeus our grati...

[snoring]

-[horn blows]
-Our gratitude! To Zeus!

Master of Olympus!

[grand music]

-[gasps]
-Wow!

[cheering and applause]

[shimmering]

Oh, fantastic, it's so cool!

It's the classiest thing in all of Greece!
Right, Sam?

Uh, yeah, yeah, it's really great.
Awesome, super.

I wonder what Zeus thinks about it.

[Zeus] Ha-ha-ha! So stylish!

Woo!

Who's got the classiest statue?
I do! Me! Zeus! [laughs]

It's awesome! I think it's the most
beautiful ever made for me!

What do you think?

Oh, just look at that!
Look how it glows! In pure gold.

It's so shiny, there are diamonds!

And the attention to anatomic detail!

So true to the original.

[chuckles]

Honey, dial it back a bit, would you?
You know your brothers.

One of them is bound not to take it well.

[thunder rumbles]

[chuckles]

I suppose it's to be expected, after all.

For the amount of time
my Golden Fleece has protected the city.

-It's certainly deserved!
-[roars] Certainly deserved?!

Take a good look at the city!
The docks, the boats, the ports!

Without the sea, they wouldn't be there!
Your Golden Fleece may be powerful, Zeus,

but I am also a god!

So, let me tell you,
this is not happening! Hasta la vista!

[crab growls]

Ooh.

-[gasps] That was so good!
-He's gonna make a big scene!

Oh, go and get the drinks, Apollo.

-And you can take care of the snacks.
-On it.

Splendid, isn't it?

With this gift to the master of gods...

I... have to find a bathroom.
You want me to check your ticket?

Yeah, yeah, thanks, Sam!

...this colossal gift reassures the gods
that the city understands their power.

The destiny of men,

especially those who do not hesitate
to venture out to...

Erm, hello, I think
I have the winning ticket.

Oh, yes, you do! We have a win...

Shh! I'd rather keep it a secret.

[chuckles]

Yeah, sure I get it.
You don't wanna make people jealous.

Mum's the word.

Hmm!

Sorry, sweetie, it's too dangerous.

Well, Sam?

Mmm? [gulps]

Er, you OK?

Yeah, I'm good. It's nothing,
it's just a little hair ball.

Did I win this time?

No, Pattie, sorry.
I'm afraid you lost again.

Eurgh. That must have been
the 100th time I've played.

Pattie, maybe it's a sign, you know.

A sign that you shouldn't leave Yolcos.

Yeah, I guess you're right, Sam.

I don't know why I keep
wasting my time on that.

Hey, where did everybody go?

[wind blowing]

This must be the work of the gods.

[tense music]

[gasps]

[forcefield pulsating]

[Poseidon groaning]

Rrrr.

[Poseidon groans]

[electric zapping]

[lightning crashes]

[wind howling]

[crowd screaming]

Tremble, citizens of Yolcos.

My anger is immeasurable.

Look, I'm not gonna lie to you guys,
you've made a really bad move here.

Oh, sure, I know
you're saying to yourselves,

"What bad move? What's he talking about?
What bad move?"

I mean, that bad move!

You didn't make a statue of
the wrong god by any chance?

Alright, I'll give you seven days
to make a statue of me

that's as beautiful as my brother's

with a trident that's as flashy
as his thunderbolt.

If not!

[tense music]

[crowd gasp]

[crowd screaming]

If not, a cataclysmic event

will wipe your beautiful city off the map.

The countdown has begun.

[dripping]

Hasta la vista.

[tense music]

[indistinct chatter]

Calm down! We might be able
to find a trident somewhere.

Hey, wait, I know.

That's it, this sucks, I'm outta here!

-I'll take this for the road!
-Hey, you! Give that back right now!

-Hey! Hey!
-Get lost!

Is it here? No, that's not it.

Ah, that's not it either!

No, that's not it! No, not it!

[tense music]

[chuckles]

[indistinct squabbling]

Hey, stop, everyone! I said, stop!

Pattie!

-You OK, sweetie?
-Yeah, yeah, I'm good, don't worry.

Come here, gather round, everyone!

[crowd mumbling]

Look, at this. It's the map of Trinactos!

Huh?

Tria-what? What are we supposed
to do with it, nerdo?

The island is filled with treasures.
Look at this sapphire!

It's huge and it has three branches!

Three branches!

Does that remind you of something?

Of, course! It's the perfect
trident for Poseidon!

It is the perfect trident.

Hold on, let's not get too excited!

That island could be dangerous
or it might not even exist at all.

[metallic scrapping]

By the Great Drake's duck feet,
I know this island exists!

You have the word of Chickos!

♪ Trinactos, a place of mystery
but magnificent! ♪

♪ A majestic island
but with a volcanic temperament! ♪

♪ Bordered by cliffs that are oh so high ♪

♪ And crevasses
that spew lava into the sky! ♪

♪ Steamy and hot and glowing red ♪

♪ Shipwrecks abound on the ocean's bed! ♪

♪ And as for danger, young cat
Ha, ha, ha! ♪

♪ I've seen big lobsters and a few cyclops
and oh, la, la, la! ♪

♪ Fear not, don't you dare!
I'll be there! ♪

♪ If this map tells the tale,
we must quickly set sail! ♪

♪ 'Cause Trinactos is far away! ♪

♪ Our expedition starts today! ♪

♪ Our brave hero must come aboard,
no delay can we afford! ♪

♪ Bring the sapphire or face the sword! ♪

♪ A hero, a super guide,
Jason's right here by our side! ♪

♪ Aboard his mighty ship
for another exciting trip! ♪

♪ Of the legendary men,
he's the best one here times ten! ♪

♪ Our hero Jason is the best! ♪

♪ Yes, he's the best!
Best than the rest! ♪

♪ Our hero Jason is the best!
Yes, he's the best! ♪

♪ Best of the rest! ♪

♪ So then, according to this map,
I'll climb on board ♪

♪ With this great super chap!
I miss the wind! ♪

♪ I miss the waves! ♪

♪ Retrieve the sapphire,
then we'll all be saved! ♪

♪ So, with this map in Jason's hands ♪

♪ We'll all set off
to find that magic land ♪

♪ And with the great sapphire
from Trinactos ♪

♪ There's still some hope
for our Yolcos! ♪

♪ And with the great sapphire
from Trinactos ♪

♪ There's still some hope
for our Yolcos! ♪

[indistinct arguing]

-[shield rings]
-[gasps]

Alright, everyone please calm down.

Obviously we are already
feeling the absence of the Golden Fleece.

But we must stay calm.

Look, the situation is simple,

we have a week to build a new statue

and find a beautiful trident,
then everything will go back to normal.

As far as the statue's concerned,

whatever your trade,

for the next seven days, you will all be
working on building a new statue for Poseidon!

As for the trident,
I'll take care of that myself.

Today I will leave on the Argo

in a quest to find
the fabulous sapphire of Trinactos!

[cheering]

[shield ringing]

Now, go on, get to work!

The statue can't build itself!

Jason's right, let's get to work.

Wow! Jason is still as classy as ever.

Get the Argo ready and assemble
the Argonauts. We're leaving today.

It's just, the thing is, sir, er,

your crew isn't far away, but...

[heavenly music]

Ah, yeah, that's true,
it must have slipped my mind.

We'll have to find
another solution then...

[snoring]

Er, sir?

Oh, too bad. I was looking forward
to going on an adventure.

But, hey, what can you do?

Hey, hang on, everyone. This is Jason,
after all. I know he can do it!

Yeah, maybe, but the Argonauts,
we can't bring them back from the grave.

That's it!

You're a genius, Luigi!
I'm going to get it!

-What's she talking about?
-No idea.

[whimsical music]

This ought to do it.

It's last remaining tooth
from the dragon of Cadmos!

Its teeth have the power to give life
to an army of warriors.

[cracking]

Uh!

It worked!

[straining softly]

It worked, yeah,
but they're moving like molasses.

It'll take a week for them to leave!

Hey, give 'em time to warm up.
They're just a little rusty, that's all.

Come on, Jason, wake up.

You need to hoist the main sail and
then start heading south-south-west.

Hey, you know
how to operate this ship, girlie?

Well, I...

She's never left the attic in the library.

Yeah, maybe, but she's read
every nautical manual ten times over.

Perfect! Bring her aboard!

-Huh?
-What?!

[Sam] No! Stop! Pattie!

[crowd shouting]

C'mon, girlie! Help me get
this old tub out to sea!

They're all counting on us!

[cheering]

["Move In The Right Direction"
by Gossip plays]

Pattie!

Hold on tight, sweetie!

Whoa!

Let's go, crew!

Good luck, friends! Good luck!

♪ Now I can move in the right direction ♪

♪ I'm doing fine ♪

♪ One step closer every day at the time ♪

♪ I won't lose my mind ♪

♪ Lose my mind ♪

You OK, Sam?

No, I'm not, I'm really worried about you.

You have no idea what dangers we'll face.

Yeah, but it'll be OK, we're travelling
with Greece's greatest hero.

Oh, come on, Pattie,
your hero is a senile, old man

who spends his time sleeping.

And frankly, it's a miracle
this old tub still floats!

That's not true!
This "old tub", as you call it,

-is still the legendary Argo and...
-[wood creaking]

We've got a great guide, Chickos!

[Chickos] Oh, tail feathers!
Didn't see that hole in the deck.

I'm fine, no worries!

Yeah, I can see he's quite the guide.

[frustrated groan]

[Chickos] Hmm. [chuckles]

A storm's brewin', girlie.

Looks like a big one. [laughs]

Oh, in my youth, I loved
flyin' through these lightning storms.

Wonder what it's like
goin' through rough weather on a boat.

[loud vomiting]

So, the great adventurer
is feeling a bit seasick?

I don't have my sea legs yet.
I'm used to flying through these!

I'll be fine once I get used to it.

Blurrgh!

Blurrgh!

Oh, it sounds like it's getting worse!

Jason will get us through it.

[tense music]

Be brave, my dear friends!

[gasps]

[laughter]

[chuckles] Yeah, Zeus, more lightning!
Add more lightning!

What a bunch of children.

[chuckles] Maybe a little monster
will spice up their adventure?

Yeah, sure, why not?

-Zeus, watch out, behind you!
-Huh?

[whistles] Hi, honey!

Zeus, what are you doing?

[Sam] We made it through?

[Pattie] Yes! The storm just stopped!
It's incredible!

[Chickos]
Lady luck is on our side, mateys!

Oh, alright.

It wasn't a big deal.

I just threw in a couple of obstacles
to make it a little fun, that's all.

Their quest is hard enough
without you adding to it.

Sweetie, where's the gift
from my Viking cousin?

[groans]

[tense music]

[Sam] This can't be happening!

What is that thing?

[whimpering]

[kraken gurgles, giggles]

-We're done for.
-No, he looks friendly!

[kraken squeals, giggles]

[upbeat music]

Oh, a kraken!

[screaming roar]

Where did I put that thing?

Ah, here it is.

Attack, brave Argonauts!

[cheering]

Yeah, they're gonna fight!

-Ah, a little action!
-This isn't good.

[straining]

-Uh!
-[arrow whistles]

Eeee... Ooh!

Oh! Oh! Ah!

-Uh-oh...
-This is not going to be good!

Aaaaah...

[Jason groans]

Who blew out the candles?

[kraken giggling]

Whoa!

Whoa! Whooa! Whoa!

[Jason yelping]

[laughs]
The hazards of an adventure! I love it!

[crew yelping]

This guy's playing with us
like he's a baby!

Or a baby kraken!

He can't be more than six months old!

When you were six months it only took
a lullaby and a blanket to calm you down.

[Pattie] I think I found a blanket!

Can you sing a lullaby, Sam?

This is not good at all!

-Let's do it!
-[laughs]

[tense music]

[Pattie groans]

[Pattie whimpering]

What am I doing running up
the tentacle of a kraken?

[kraken roars]

Ahh!

[Sam gags]

Hey, hey!

Hey! Hey!

[coughs] ♪ Little baby kraken,
go to sleep ♪

♪ It's naptime, naptime, naptime! ♪

♪ Little baby kraken, go to sleep ♪

♪ It's naptime, off to sleep ♪

[Sam groaning]

[Sam gasps]

I want to go home.

[Sam cries]

Bravo, mateys, that was well played.

The expedition continues!

-We did do pretty good, didn't we?
-[Sam] Pretty good?

Are you kidding? Wake up!
It's a miracle we're still alive!

We've got to find a way back home.

Sam, the fate of Yolcos is in our hands!

We've got to keep going!

[manic laugh] Keep going, Pattie?
Have you seen the crew?

-Er?
-Er?

They're pathetic, Pattie.

The first chance we get
we've got to get off this ship.

Doesn't matter where!

Anywhere would be better
than on this floating death trap!

[groans]

Hm? [gags]

Oh, is cranky-pants not feeling very well?
Feel like you're going to--

Blurrrgh!

Sorry. Now where was I?

Oh, yeah. It's a waste of time, Pattie,
abandon the whole thing!

[Sam's voice echoes]
Abandon the whole thing.

Pattie? Pattie? Pattie?
Pattie, you hear me? Pattie?

How could you do that to me, Sam?

What was it you said?

"Oh, no, Pattie, sorry.

You lost again, sweetie.
Maybe it's a sign,

a sign that you shouldn't leave Yolcos."

It's not what you think, I just...

[Pattie cries]

[crane whirring]

[sigh of relief]

Oh, looks like Syracuse! Er, young man,
can you do some repairs on our ship?

Oh, yeah, but not right away,
there's a long line ahead of you

and I'm not sure I've got the right parts.

First we'll give you an estimate,
and then we'll see if we...

What do you know!
A space just became available.

[cat angrily meows]

[foreboding music]

Oh, it's not the friendliest
looking place.

-Get off, Sam.
-Huh?

Right now.

Get off. Go on, get off!

What?

That's what you wanted, right?

To get off this boat,
it didn't matter where.

But, Pattie, I never meant to hurt you,
it was just a ticket.

I was trying to protect you, sweetie.

Protect me?
I trusted you, Sam, I always have!

You want me to stay in Yolcos
for the rest of my life.

You're a selfish and a coward!

Go on, go back to your stuffy old attic

and set up your little theatre
that no one'll go to!

Go on!
Go on, I never want to see you again!

Understand? Never!

[sombre music]

[Pattie crying]

[daunting music]

It's so hot.

This is too hard.

[hourglass dripping]

Well, this isn't looking good.
Better pack up our bags.

[merchant] OK, that's good.
All clear up front. Ready to sail?

OK, now, push off!

Bon voyage!

Huh?

[sombre music]

Girlie, I think it's time we see
what this ship can do!

Just you wait, I'll show you, Sam.

And we're off! Woo-hoo!

[upbeat rock music]

[crew snoring]

[Chickos] Girlie! You gotta see this!

[whimsical music]

[Pattie] Yes!

Trinactos, at last!

The sapphire's ripe for the taking.
Yolcos is saved!

I guess we should wake Jason up.

[yelping]

-What was that?
-I thought it might have been a rock but...

[steam hissing, metallic whirring]

[laughs] Nice!
Looks like we're in for some fun!

[yelps]

What is that thing? You only mentioned
big lobsters and a few cyclops!

Real adventure is not knowin'
what's comin'. Ha-ha-ha-ha! I love it!

Oh, a cave!
If only we'd taken refuge in there.

Oh well! It's been an honour
sailin' with you, girlie. Huh?

[snoring]

Oh, good thinkin' there, girlie!

Incoming rock on the port bow!

[Chickos] Yeah! [laughs]

[Chickos] Woo-hoo! Yes!

[tense music]

[manic laughter]

[sighs] We're safe for now,
but that thing is still out there.

[laughs] Yes, that was close.

A wild storm, a kraken and
now a giant psychopathic robot!

Oh, by the Great Drake's duck feet, it's
been ages since I've had this much fun!

[laughing]

Huh?

Look, there's an opening!
We should be able to get out there!

-Oh!
-Ah, there they are, the big lobsters!

Those aren't big lobsters, Chickos,
they're giant scorpions.

Can't you tell the difference?

Oh... [mutters] Lobsters, scorpions,
shrimps, they're all the same to me, girlie.

-[chuckles]
-[groans] Huh?

[loud banging]

Listen, the robot's leaving.

Hey, looky there,
the scorpions are leaving too.

Bet you they were afraid of the robot.

The coast is clear!

Now we should wake up Jason!

[Pattie] Consider it done!

[Pattie blows into horn]

Oh, stubborn as a mule!
Is that really what you want, Pattie?

To risk your life all over the world?
Well, go ahead! I don't care!

I don't care...

I'm so sorry! Forgive me, Pattie.
Forgive me, sweetie!

Ow!

No way, not a chance, the Argo
ain't never coming back, Vito.

You never know, Carmine,
these guys are warriors.

Yeah, whatever, Vito, it ain't important.
Answer me this,

you ever seen a ship
come back from Trinatos?

Huh, Vito? Ever see that?

Yeah, yeah, you're right, Carmine.

You've got a point.
May they rest in peace, Carmine.

May they rest in peace.

Si, peace be with them.

-Erm, excuse me, gentlemen...
-Stop!

Don't come any closer, you,
or you'll regret it, cat!

No, wait, listen, I couldn't help
overhearing you talking about this island.

-And I have to get there.
-That ain't happening, cat. Impossible.

Uno, no ship will go near that island,
it's too dangerous.

And duo, we don't help cats.
That's just the way it is for us rats.

Now scram, get out of here.
Turn around and just walk away.

No, no, you don't understand,
it's not for me,

it's for a little mouse, Pattie.

She's my only family.

Familia.

If it's for a little mouse in his familia.

But Don Carmine, this is a cat,
rules are rules.

[tutting]
Vito, you heard him, it's his familia.

Is anything more important
than the familia?

Yeah, nothin', nothin', Don Carmine!

Va bene, va bene.

Put that away, Vin,
you're gonna scare our new friend.

Now, listen, cat, there might be
a way for us to help. Vien.

If we do this favour for you, cat,

one day, we might ask you
for our own favour.

And this will be a favour
you cannot refuse.

Alright, great, I'm in.
Sounds like a fair deal to me!

[bird cawing]

Well, we can't be far now.

The sapphire is right behind that hill
over there, men.

You hear that, Chickos?
Almost there... Chickos?

Hmm. See that, Pattie? This tree here.

Don't you find it's a bit... strange?

Oh, yeah! I read something
about this in the library.

They're called cyclops,

but of the Nyxien cyclops family.
They're only active at night

because if sunlight touches them,
their skin turns into bark.

This forest must contain
the remains of ancient cyclops

caught in the sun's rays and now asleep

forever in their bark casings!

Bummer. I would've loved
to mix it up with them!

We gotta go, Chickos!

[Sam] Yaagh!

Yaagh!

Yaagh!

Yaagh!

Are we...

there yet?

Oh, just about, sir cat. [laughs]

Oh, great. Thanks, Creeper.

My pleasure, sir cat. I owed
those rats back in Syracuse a favour,

they freed me from a fishing net
a while back.

Then they told me, "I owed them
a favour I couldn't refuse."

They asked me to take you to Trinactos.
And now my debt is paid.

What a charming local custom that is.
I really have to remember that.

[sigh of relief] We're here!

Come on, Chickos, hurry up!

Aren't you anxious to see
what the sapphire looks like?

Huh?

[owl hooting]

Hey, what's going on?
Where's the sapphire?

-[animal honking]
-Huh?

[animal honking]

[evil laughter]

[Pattie whimpers]

[cyclops laughing]

Ah, good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

My friends and
I are looking for a sapphire...

Here, Krädos.

Let me go.

-[cyclops laughing]
-[Pattie cowering]

Well, not exactly a feast, is it?

A bony old man and a bunch of skeletons,
barely enough for an appetizer!

Maybe if we grind their bones
to make doughnuts, Chief Grümos.

I think we all like doughnuts!

Yeah, sounds crunchy, but it's missing
that je ne sais quoi, Krädos.

Can't we be more creative, Chief Grümos.

I'm thinking of something a bit different
than our usual fare.

A nice broth made from their hides,

then use their bones
as nice crunchy noodles?

Flavour it gently with thyme, rosemary,

and garlic that will delight the palate

and please the belly. So delicious
that the explosion...

OK, OK! I say we go with the soup!

[laughs] Let's go! Soup's on.

I still would've preferred doughnuts.

Oh, darn it! Don't tell me
I missed the cyclops!

Tell me, girlie, shouldn't there be
a sapphire around here?

By the Great Drake's duck feet,
it looks like Sam was right.

No, Chickos, it must have been
the cyclops who took the sapphire.

Come on, let's follow them!

There's the Argo! Pattie can't be far!
Thank you, Creeper. Thank you.

You're welcome, you brave cat.
Take care of yourself now.

[laughs]

[nervous laugh] Creepy...

Pattie!

Pattie!

Pattie. Pattie, is that you?

Pattie.

Sweetie, are you here?

Attack!

-We got you now, you big bad cat!
-Big fat cat!

We've been stuck on this island
for weeks now, bad cat,

and we're gonna use this ship
to get off it. It's nothing personal.

This fat cat's heavy!

You ate too many mice, didn't you?
Didn't you, fat cat?

[Sam roars]

[both scream]

Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute!

You don't understand
I'm only looking for a mouse!

Ow, ow!

Yeah, we know what you're looking for!

-Ow, wait, let me explain!
-Take that! And that! And that!

Alright, knock it off!

Could you please eat me first, fat cat,

because I really don't want to see
my brother get all gobbled up?

No way! Out of the question!
Eat me first and let my sister go.

I'm a lot fatter than I look, believe me.
And she's nothing but skin and bones...

But I don't want to eat you at all.
All I really want is to find Pattie.

It's very important.
She was with the crew of this ship.

Have you seen her by any chance?

Really? So, you're a good cat?

I sure am trying to be.

Er, we have no idea where Pattie is.

But we have friends who might know
where she is.

And they know this island
like the back of their hands.

-Follow us!
-Oh, thank you so much!

[foreboding music]

[indistinct grumbling]

Krädos, go and fetch some
of the good stuff, we're gonna celebrate!

We'll mix this all together
and let it simmer overnight.

Hmm?

-[suspicious music]
-[sniffing] Rrr.

He can smell us, we have to hide!

Hurry!

[laughs] There you go, my yummy noodles,

stay nice and fresh in there.

Here are all the vegetables for the soup.
We can simmer them altogether.

I still would've preferred doughnuts.

Don't be a big baby, Krädos,
come on and have a drink with us!

Oh, just great!
They've already gotten captured.

There wasn't even a fight. Boring!

[straining] That's true. Jason and those guys,
their best days are behind them.

-Here.
-Oh, thanks a lot, sis.

Yeah, well, anyone up for a board game?

Sure. No cheating this time.

No, no, no, not you, Hermes!

Keep an eye on them.
You're the messenger, right?

So message us if something happens.
See ya.

This doesn't seem fair.

Phew.

What in flaming feathers is this place?

It's a forge. Look at all these plans.

[gasps] The giant robot!

The cyclops made it!

Now this is incredible!

-[chuckles]
-[tooth shimmers]

[lava bubbling]

[machine whirring]

Usually, our friends
are always around here.

[gasps]

Don't make a sound! Come over here.

[heavy footsteps]

Now we're in trouble. I'll try to keep
them busy. On three, take off. One...

[chuckles] That's real nice of you, Sam,
but don't worry.

These are our friends.

-Sam, this is Bernardo.
-Peace, love and chillax, Sam.

-Gerardo.
-Serenity be with you, Sam.

-And Theresa!
-Hiya, Sam, you're new around here, huh?

Yeah, he just got here. They've looked
after us since we got stranded here.

Listen, I really need help
to find someone here...

We're always ready to be of service,
to anyone at any time

-in peace and in harmony.
-And with serenity and kindness.

Yes, yes, and with serenity and kindness.

-Alright!
-We're listening.

You have our attention.

-Yes, yeah, OK...
-With peace...

and with tender, generous benevolence.

We're listening. [laughs]

Uh, yes, er, can I talk now?

I'm looking for a little mouse, Pattie.

She went with the ship's crew

-to find the Great Sapphire.
-Er, Great Sapphire?

Yeah, a huge sapphire with three branches

that's several metres high!

Look, it's on the map of the island...

Oh, no, you're here because of the map!
Of course.

Huh? Wait, wait,
what do you mean, "Oh, no?"

Follow us, Sam.

[ominous music]

[machines whirring]

It's a cyclops' trap.

Look down, Sam.

All of these ships came in search
of the treasure indicated on that map.

All of them.

[sombre music]

Er, it was on one of these ships that
John and Terry lived with their family

before it was sunk
by the cyclops' giant robot.

I'm so sorry to hear that, kids.
I had no idea.

[crying] There was no sapphire.

The Argonauts are prisoners,
and Yolcos is doomed, all because of me.

[Pattie crying]

[heavy footsteps]

He's coming back!
You three aren't really in danger,

but we on the other hand...

The robot has been programmed
to destroy all scorpions.

The cyclops have always hated us.
We've got to find shelter.

-I'm coming too.
-Hop on, Sam.

And what about the giant sapphire
Pattie came for?

It doesn't exist, Sam,
just like all the other treasures.

The maps are used as bait
to attract adventurers to the island.

The cyclops sink their ships
with the robot,

collect the castaways
and have them for dinner.

So many unfortunate souls
were turned into meat pie,

ravioli, a spring salad,
risotto, sausage...

I'm sorry but I'm pretty sure that your
ship and all the crew have been captured.

What? Then Pattie is in danger!

Where do these monsters live?
Show me where they are.

We've got to go right away. Come on!

Go to the cyclops' village?
With that robot roaming around,

no scorpion in his right mind
would leave this cave!

[heavy footsteps]

Oh, please! I'm begging you.
We have to do something!

You must love Pattie very much.

She means the world to me.

She's lucky to have you, good cat.

We can take you!

Thank you, kids!

This way!

[Pattie crying] It's all my fault.

You were right all along, Sam,
I should have stayed.

-[loud snoring]
-By all the eggs in one basket!

Girlie, I hate to interrupt your sob-fest,

but I think we'd better skedaddle
and quickly!

[tense music]

[monster yaps]

There's the cyclops' village!

OK...

wait for me here!

[monster yapping]

[Chickos laughing]

Follow me!

OK, go!

[Chickos laughs]

Whoa! Whoa!

Whoa!

[both grunting]

[monster snarling]

[gasps]

Hey! Over here!

Yoo-hoo!

[monster yaps]

It's a Hydra!
If you cut off one head, two grow back!

[both grunt]

Well, it was fun while it lasted, girlie.

[Sam] Don't touch her!

Sam!

Run away!

[Sam groaning]

-No!
-Save yourself, Pattie!

Sam!

What's with all the ruckus?

Hmm? [sniffing]

Oh, a cat!

-[laughs] They're yummy! Oh, already?
-[clock ringing]

The sun's about to rise. Come on, move it!

Youkis, you stand guard!

No!

Sam!

Sam!

Are you guys Pattie and Chickos?

Where's the nice fat cat? Where's Mr Sam?

Oh.

No, not Mr Sam!

It's all your fault! He came here
looking for you! You did this!

You did this.

Come along, children.

[man panting, grunting]

We'll never make it!

[hourglass drips]

Now for sure they won't finish in time.

Thank goodness we're packed up
and ready to go.

We should evacuate.

[jazz music]

[woman breathing heavily]

Is... is that for me?

I needed that. Thanks.

[uplifting music]

[seagulls calling]

[woman] It's incredible!

-I never thought it would be possible.
-[man] It's a sign!

We can do it!

[Jason muttering]
Right, just a little more...

Uh!

[whimsical music]

Oh!

This one?

Oh!

Next.

Almost.

[snoring]

[Pattie crying]

It's all my fault!

I'm sorry about before, I didn't mean
to hurt your feelings, Pattie.

I know how you must be feeling.
Sam's like a father to you.

Why don't you go try talking to him?

Hey! Hey there!

Poocheroni!

Can ya see me? Now? How 'bout now?

[laughs]

[growling, barking]

So, little flying sausage...

[chuckles]
Want a little taste of Chickos' last eye?

We could talk about it if you want.
We have lots of time.

[cyclops snoring]

No, no, no, no! Go away! Go on!
What are you doing here, Pattie? No!

Don't come closer! Go on!

No, no, no, no!

-Get out of here right now! Go on!
-I'm so sorry, Sam!

I didn't wanna listen to you,
I thought I could help Jason

and look what happened.

Yolcos is doomed because of me!

I should be the one in that cage, not you!

Stop it, Pattie. No one could have known
that map was a trap!

No one! You hear me?
It's all the cyclops' fault, Pattie.

The cyclops!

[straining]

Don't knock yourself out, sweetie.
I already tried that.

Now, I want you to listen to me.

I know you better than anyone.

And I've always known that you were
never meant to lead a normal, boring life.

But I've been lying to myself
to keep you close to me.

I convinced myself
that I'd built a better life for you.

But, in fact, what I created
was a gilded cage.

I was so selfish, Pattie.

And now I've ended up
where I deserve to be.

Save yourself, sweetie.

Save yourself.

[footsteps departing]

-It's better this way. Just go.
-[Pattie straining]

Quit talking nonsense
and help me lift this!

You've been selfish, that's true,

but you risked a lot to get here
and join me on this island.

And that is not selfish at all.

And before you threw yourself
on a dragon to protect me.

That doesn't sound selfish to me.

Sam, you've taken care of me
since I was little.

Sure, you've made some mistakes,
but that's all in the past now.

Honest? You forgive me?

Mmm-hmm.

[both laugh]

[cyclops grunting]

Soup... crunchy but smooth
with chunks of cat.

Wow! I'm so happy
that Pattie saved you, Sam!

I never thought I'd love a cat this much!

Alright, mateys, Jason is a prisoner,

and there's no sapphire to bring back.

Unfortunately, all that's left
is to find a way off this island.

Come on! Hmm?

Look, you're all free!
Run away while there's time!

What are you standing there for?
Go on, run away!

Oh, come on, go, that's an order!

My old friends, you haven't changed a bit.

You're right, we are the Argonauts!

We'll find a way out of here.
Let's see, think hard now.

Erm, ooh...

[Pattie] No, all is not lost!

We can still save Yolcos!

Look over there,
look at Jason and the Argonauts.

They might not be in the best shape,
but they're not giving up!

This is how they weathered
the worst of storms,

faced the most terrifying creatures,

and overcame impossible odds.

Above all, they're a team!

-A team united behind their leader!
-Like us?

We are even better, Sam.

We're a family
and we can conquer anything!

We don't have a trident?
Then we'll make one!

The Argonauts are prisoners?
Then free them!

We'll never give up. The only thing
missing right now is a leader!

No, Pattie, we already have
the best leader there is.

Thanks, Sam, I'm flattered!

No, Chickos, I was talking about Pattie.

But, Sam...

I have faith in you, Pattie!

I don't quite understand,
but I have faith in you too, Pattie.

By the Great Drake's duck feet!

I'm with you too, girlie!

Captain Pattie, you've got your crew!

In this cute, little head is the most
wondrous brain in the whole universe!

Use it, Pattie, use it well!

[uplifting rock music]

-[chains rattling]
-[monster yaps]

[machine whirs]

[clock rings, ticks]

[cyclops' grunt]

It's time to show these cyclops
what we're made of!

But first off,

we'll have to arrange for the sun
to set a lot later today!

[all screaming]

[laughs]

Chickos, the old veteran,
is back up in the air!

Oh, thanks to Pattie's invention!

Could you just keep your eyes
on the sky, please?

Don't you worry there, sailor, I got this!

OK now, where's this robot?

Over there!

[laughs] Go!

[tense music]

[growls, barks]

[monster snoring]

Erm, let's try to use
some diplomacy first.

[scorpion coughs]

Good evening, ladies and gents.

Look, I've come to see
if we can talk about

the possibility of us using
the, er, the forge

during certain hours.

We're all civilized creatures here, right?

I'm sure we can find
some kind of agreement.

[yelling]

Bernardo, help me!

Get this thing off me!

[coughing]

[monster roars]

Er, is your heart set on this strategy?

Don't worry, she's never wrong!

OK, if you say so! Let's go!

[tense music]

-[monster squawks]
-[all scream]

Everyone on? Perfect!
The poocheroni wants to play.

Hold on tight there, kids!

[chuckles]

-[barking]
-Woo-hoo! That was awesome!

Yeah, Chickos, you're the best!

OK! Let's get to work!
We don't have much time left!

Serenity, serenity,
serenity, serenity, serenity

serenity, serenity, serenity, serenity...

It's OK! It's alright, Gerardo! Take a break.

Sorry.

[daunting music]

[monster bleats]

Are you still sure about this?

More than ever! Forward!

Hmm, this looks
pretty complicated, doesn't it?

It's not, Chickos, look, it's easy.

The robot's told what to do here.
It's his program!

Watch, I'll show you.

There you go!

We hit reset and boom!

[electronic music]

Oh, wow, so cool! Can I try it too?

We don't have time to play,
sorry, little one.

Come on, pretty please, Chickos.

[groaning]

Serenity, serenity, serenity!

Serenity, serenity, serenity!
Serenity, serenity, serenity!

This one should do it!

[monster bleats]

Yeah! That did it.

Done! Let's move on.

Pattie, the sun's gonna set soon
and the cyclops' clock will wake them up.

Don't worry, it's taken care of.

[tense music]

[snoring]

["The A-Team"
by Daniel Caine Orchestra plays]

-Magnificent!
-Majestic!

[both] ♪ Worthy of Olympus and the Gods! ♪

♪ Thanks to this new trident
from Trinactos ♪

♪ There's still hope for our Yolcos! ♪

♪ Thanks to this new trident
from Trinactos ♪

♪ There's still hope for our Yolcos! ♪

[laughter]

There's just one more thing to do.

It's almost boom time! I hope Chickos
and the mice got control of the robot.

[playful electronic music]

Three, two, one and home!

Easy! Anybody could have done that.

I know another game. I'll show you!

OK, show us.

[machine whistling]

Hey, it's dark out!

Oh, no! My forge!

[cyclops growls]

Chief Grümos, look!

My, you seem a bit tense.

Take a deep breath
and you'll feel better. Ciao!

Alert! Catch them!
Move it, will ya? Hurry!

Catch those scorpions!

[whimsical music]

[creature chirping]

Lay down, Kicks! You too, Creps!

Oh, in the name of Zeus!

Oh, guys, it's started again!

Well, I don't see the robot!

Where are they? What are they doing?

They must have had a problem.

[playful electronic music]

[laughter]

I won again! I beat Chickos!

Na-na-na, I can beat Chickos!
That's enough, Shorty, we get it! Wait!

Let's play one more!

This time, I start!

But, Chickos, shouldn't we
be getting back to the plan?

You want to stop as soon as I start to lose!

By the Great Drake's duck feet,

I don't want people to say Chickos
lost Tic Tac Toe to a couple of rats!

Er, maybe we should
just let him win this one, OK?

[tense music]

They're catching up!

Our only hope
is to hold them off until dawn!

[all scream]

[ominous laugh]

Sorry for the pain I'm about to cause you.

[cyclops yells]

Come on, let's go!

[cyclops yelling]

Oh, you did that with upmost
generosity, Bernardo.

Thanks, Gerardo!

Looks like you're gonna have
to show a lot of generosity, guys.

-You ready?
-Ready, Pattie.

We're ready!

Pardon me, sir.

Sorry! Bet that hurt. Oh! Sorry again!

[cyclops growls]

Oh, watch your head!

[yelps]

[cyclops growls]

Ooh, that one must of hurt.

Oh, Gerardo, watch out!

[heavy footstep]

Looks like we're gonna have a side of
mashed scorpion to go with our noodles.

[both]
No, we're gonna have cyclops pancakes!

Sorry for the tardiness, folks!

[upbeat rock music]

Er? Ah!

Take this, apply it to your bruises,
they'll heal faster.

Oh, and this is for your headache,
if you like.

-No, my head feels fine.
-Really?

-And now?
-Maybe I will take a little bit.

Come on, Gerardo, don't you think
you're getting a little too generous now?

Nobody's perfect.

[cyclops yelling]

Ahh!

[screams]

[laughs] What a fight!

Ooh, look at this!

Who are those scorpions?
And what's that trident?

No idea, but we don't care.

Hey, shh! I can't hear
the cyclops being squished!

[Pattie] Perfect!

-Now we can free the Argonauts!
-I don't think we need to. Look!

Those guys actually have what it takes.

Come on, to the Argo!

Hey, where are you going? Come back!

[cyclops] The sun will be up soon!

Victory is ours, sailors!
Onto the next step.

[both cheer]

Huh?

I always have to do everything myself!

So, everything set, kids?

Yeah, we're good to go.

[daring music]

Everything OK, my friends?
Did you reprogram the robot?

Aye, Captain Pattie! John took care of that.

And it was truly a work of art!

Shouldn't take too long.

Pick up a big rock, throw it in the air,
and stand under it!

-Huh?!
-[electronic whirring]

Oh...

[all cheering]

Well done, friends, what a great job!

Our mission is almost complete!

[groaning]

[scared whimper]

[cyclops growls]

[roaring]

No one...

is leaving this island!

This way!

None of you will get out

without being cooked,

tasted,

and digested!

[chuckles] You missed!

Bah! Missed me!

[chuckles] You missed again!

[laughs] My turn!

Ah. This little game's making me hungry.

I should have brought some seasoning with me.

You should have brought sun screen!

Theresa! Over there!

Huh?

[cyclops roars]

[cheering]

-[Pattie] Woo! Yay!
-[Chickos chuckles]

-Oh, that's better.
-Nice to breathe.

Huh?

[laughter]

Oh, look at our magnificent trident!

It's a shame I have absolutely no memory
of how we got it!

OK, crew,
let's make our way back to Yolcos!

-Thank you, friends!
-Goodbye, friends!

-Goodbye, Gerardo!
-Bye, Bernardo! Goodbye, Theresa!

-Thanks for everything!
-We're really gonna miss you a lot!

Be careful now!

-Take good care of them.
-[John] Promise!

We'll have to speed up
if we want to get there in time.

I'm sure the wind will pick up.

[daunting music]

[hourglass drips]

[ominous rattling]

[crowd screaming]

Ah, well, they were close but no cigar.

It was a fun little quest,
but not much you can do now.

Poseidon won't get his trident on time,
so there you go.

[coughing]

[Hera growling]

[sombre music]

It's not fair, Sam. It's not fair.

[wind blowing]

Pattie, look at that!

[uplifting music]

[cheering]

How's that, honey? Oh, OK, OK.

[hourglass drips]

Feel my wrath! Fools, the lot of you!

Tremble at the might
of the Master of the... Huh?

[horn blowing]

Hmm?

Hmm.

[trident shimmering]

[nervous music]

[crowd cowering]

It'll do.

[uplifting music]

There we go, looks pretty good!
Looks just like me.

I know someone up there's
not gonna like it.

It's good for me. You can have this back.

Hasta la vista!

[crowd cheering]

Well, you took your sweet time.

Anyway, the important thing is Jason
and the Argonauts got the trident!

[laughs] By the Great Drake's duck feet,
they didn't have much to do with it!

Pattie's the one who brought the trident
and the ship back to port.

I had an amazing crew
by my side though.

Oh, yeah, not bad for a little mouse, huh?

Hey, Luigi!

It looks like the 38th time was
the charm! Congratulations!

[giggles] Thanks, Pattie!

[crowd cheering]

[giggles] I wonder
what tall tale he's gonna tell them.

[soothing music]

OK, Luigi, what's the big secret?

You'll see.

Pattie.

Here, it's from Sam and all us dock rats.

I never thought I'd say this to you,
but thanks, Tony.

It's very nice of you.

[banging]

[slow banging]

This is the story of
Pattie and the new Argonauts.

[cheering]

[Pattie] Gather a crew,

lead them on an adventure,
I miss it already!

Goodbye, dear friends! Goodbye!

See you soon.

-Come back soon now, sweetie!
-Of course, I promise I will, Sam!

-Hello there, Sam.
-Hmm?

I hear you owe us a little favour,
a favour that you cannot refuse.

Uh, yes.

Then allow me to present Graziella,
my godfather's daughter.

Turns out that Graziella
has an exceptional talent

for singing and acting. Show him.

[singing badly] ♪ Thanks
to the Great Sapphire of Trinactos ♪

♪ There's still some hope for Yolcos! ♪

That's amazing!

So, we're counting on you
and your little theatre

to make her the next super star of...

Hey, where'd the cat go?
Go on, go on, find the cat, boys.

[Graziella chuckles]

[Pattie chuckles]

[uplifting music]

[chuckles] Looks like
we're gonna have some fun!

[upbeat music]

Epic Tails (2022) Movie Script (2024)

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