TF2 NOOB REACTS TO MEET THE TEAM (2024)

Some trivia:
-Engie: his family has been building machines since the 1800s and are responsible for building immortality machines for the mann family (2 brothers fighting each other with mercs from red and blue) and the administrator (woman who is talking to both teams during matches and updating you on the current state of the match) that are powered by australium (rare and powerful metal from australia that gave all australians mustaches. Yes even women, babies and animals). Pretty much has all phds you can think of.
-Heavy:
He has multiple miniguns, all with female russian names. His default one is called sasha and heavy puts it in a baby crib at night. He has a phd in russian literature. He has 3 sisters (one gets engaged to soldier). They live in siberia after escaping a russian labor camp. Heavy gives most of his salary to his sisters and mom.
-Scout:
His name is Jeremy. He has approx 5-8 brothers and was beaten by all of them. He wasnt strong but he was fast. He is from Brooklyn. He regularly consumes Bonk! Atomic Punch, an energy drink that contains sugar and radiation a couple hundred times of the lethal amount. He is capable of double jumping. His crush is Miss Pauling, the administrators assistant and assassin/cleaner (the after murder kind). (Pauling makes an appearence in other tf2 content if youd like to watch it ;)) Scout is implied to be a virgin. Every time he gets killed ingame, theres a 1/100 chance archimedes flies out of his blown up corpse, referencing meet the medic. He is cannonically a gift from god.
-Sniper: He is originally from new zealand but was adopted in australia after his parents had a fight after his father sunk the entirety of new zealand atlantis style and he was launched away accidentaly and landing in his adoptive parents yard superman style. He used a drug from mannco (suppliers of both red and blu with guns, hats and buy in cagefights), which increased his bladder massively and has to piss every 3-5 mins in a jar. He uses his piss jars as a fighting form named jarate. Lives in an RV.
-Demo: He is highly intelligent and sophisticated when sober but only able to fight when properly drunk. He has 5 active full time jobs, merc included. Both his parents were blind with an eye patch on both eyes. He made friends with the soldier from the enemy team. His alt melee is a haunted sword and he gets stronger with every head he decapitates with it. He lost his eye after peeking into the wizard Merasmuses (more on him on soldier) book, the bombinomicon. Medic restores Demos eye every halloween (Demo forgets this every time) which becomes possesed and actively tries to kill the mercs, making every halloween event cannon. After he goes sober for too long his liver started making alcohol out of his blood. Due to this robots meant to kill him from sucking all his blood out get destroyed as those cant stand Demos high level of alcohol.
-Soldier: Highly aggresive and a neck snapping enthusiast. He was denied enrollment during ww2 so he collected enough cash for a ticket to storm the beaches of normandy, in the 1950s. Has severe lead poisoning after consuming tainted water for years, unaware that all mercs have been supplied with clean bottled water, hence his insanity. He was Merasmuses roommate (hateful and powerful wizard with nonstop money and mob issues). Soldier ate all of Merasmuses "get killed, come back stronger" pills, thinking it was Merasmuses heart medication, making Soldier connonically immortal. Due to this Merasmus tries to kill Soldier and all mercs every halloween cannonically. His VA Rick May unfortunately passed away in 2020 due to covid complications, still being remembered to this day with soldier statues over multiple maps.
-Spy: He is scouts biological father, had scouts mom hide this fact from scout, making him think his father is Tom Jones the musician. Still cares and actively helps scout. Has very expensive tastes. His VA is both Spy and Pyro. Probably the smartest person when it comes to strategy. Has a cyanide capsule implanted in his teeth.
-Pyro: Singlehandedly the most screwed up individual on the team. Its gender is non confirmed. Loves fire and rubber duckies. After the teams were disbanded, it became a very successful businessman/woman/thing. Its vision is normal as all others ingame but certain items/cosmetics/weapons changes this to Pyrovision™, making the game look similar to meet the Pyro. Pyro was the last merc to receive its "meet the" trailer, several years after all others. Arch nemesis of Spy. Shares VA with Spy.
-Medic: Best friends with Heavy. Actively experimenting on all his teammates ranging from small changes to implanting orangutan prostates. Able to bring back the literal dead. Made a deal with the devil, selling every single one of his teammates souls to the devil for more lives. Possible ties to ww2 germany. The Spy head in his fridge is a reference to his prototype meet the medic trailer (available to watch on youtube). Medic has a Surgeon Simulator VR collab where you have to replace heavys heart.
Will change/add stuff as more comes to mind or is suggested.
Sry for the long post, heres a 🥔